Determination worn out

It was time to go back. I quickly walked out of my work place. I wanted to get out of the place as fast I could. Although there was much work left behind, I was not going to stay back any longer. I wasn't going to worry about it today, let it wait for me until tomorrow.

I got into my car and quickly started the engine. The smell of fuel was quite strong that I had to wind down the windows. I was working in the fuel tank that my clothes were stinking of fuel. There were slight irritations in my nose and throat caused by the fuel vapour. As I drove away, my mood started to improve. I wanted to get home fast, lie down on the sofa and play video games with my kids.

I had been quite unenthusiastic at work lately. The energy that used to drive me seemed to have disappeared. I was feeling lazy, tired and lethargic. I wasn't slowing down my job nor chasing the time to accomplish more, I just let myself flow easily in harmony with time.

I wasn't sure if I had lost interest in my work but I had gone through this kind of feeling many times before. It happened at least once or twice in a year. It would set me of thinking about switching to a new carrier but before anything could happen, the feeling would disappear and I would be back in vigour.

I'm not so sure about the reason that gets me into this sluggish mode, but apparently it is caused by a couple of reasons which pertain to the bad situation at work, such as the silly way this place is managed, lack of support equipments to perform a task, lack of coordination and team work between various trades, and work safety which is only preached but not practised.

Other examples are poor support from the management, practise of favouritism and lack of appreciation and incentives. Not to mention the unpleasant way some people behave and the level of discipline among the workers, especially the younger generation which is rotting down so badly.

Doing the same thing over and over while dealing with the situation mentioned above repetitively might have created the parasite that sucked out my spirit and enthusiasm.

As a human being, I'm not able to stay up and motivated all the time. Sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm down and there is nothing anyone or anything can do to bring back my vitality. It sounds very negative, but I prefer being harmony with my emotions and chose not to repress my feelings.

Sometimes I wonder if my colleagues have this kind of feeling hidden behind their smiles and laughter, or am I the only one who get infected with this cycle of weariness. I guess a person won't have it if his job is something that he enjoys or if he doesn't care about what happens at work as long as he gets a decent salary at the end of the month.

As I reached home, my kids were waiting for me at the door. It was time for a little play.

"A man would die, though he were neither valiant nor
miserable, only upon a weariness to do the same thing
so oft over and over." - Bacon