25 April 2008

Determination worn out

It was time to go back. I quickly walked out of my work place. I wanted to get out of the place as fast I could. Although there was much work left behind, I was not going to stay back any longer. I wasn't going to worry about it today, let it wait for me until tomorrow.

I got into my car and quickly started the engine. The smell of fuel was quite strong that I had to wind down the windows. I was working in the fuel tank that my clothes were stinking of fuel. There were slight irritations in my nose and throat caused by the fuel vapour. As I drove away, my mood started to improve. I wanted to get home fast, lie down on the sofa and play video games with my kids.

I had been quite unenthusiastic at work lately. The energy that used to drive me seemed to have disappeared. I was feeling lazy, tired and lethargic. I wasn't slowing down my job nor chasing the time to accomplish more, I just let myself flow easily in harmony with time.

I wasn't sure if I had lost interest in my work but I had gone through this kind of feeling many times before. It happened at least once or twice in a year. It would set me of thinking about switching to a new carrier but before anything could happen, the feeling would disappear and I would be back in vigour.

I'm not so sure about the reason that gets me into this sluggish mode, but apparently it is caused by a couple of reasons which pertain to the bad situation at work, such as the silly way this place is managed, lack of support equipments to perform a task, lack of coordination and team work between various trades, and work safety which is only preached but not practised.

Other examples are poor support from the management, practise of favouritism and lack of appreciation and incentives. Not to mention the unpleasant way some people behave and the level of discipline among the workers, especially the younger generation which is rotting down so badly.

Doing the same thing over and over while dealing with the situation mentioned above repetitively might have created the parasite that sucked out my spirit and enthusiasm.

As a human being, I'm not able to stay up and motivated all the time. Sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm down and there is nothing anyone or anything can do to bring back my vitality. It sounds very negative, but I prefer being harmony with my emotions and chose not to repress my feelings.

Sometimes I wonder if my colleagues have this kind of feeling hidden behind their smiles and laughter, or am I the only one who get infected with this cycle of weariness. I guess a person won't have it if his job is something that he enjoys or if he doesn't care about what happens at work as long as he gets a decent salary at the end of the month.

As I reached home, my kids were waiting for me at the door. It was time for a little play.


"A man would die, though he were neither valiant nor
miserable, only upon a weariness to do the same thing
so oft over and over." - Bacon

21 comments:

posh_post said...

have a happy weekend friend! when things look down, look up. God bless you! :-)

zunnur said...

Posh Post,

Happy weekend to you too.
Yeah, as long as we know that we can and will be up again, and not be carried away too much by emotion.

Niña said...

I guess the feeling of being burn out with the things we do is what makes us more humans.

Cheer up! The road ahead is showered with sunshine.:)

zunnur said...

Nina,

That's true. Our difficulties and sufferings become great tools for the days ahead.

Your words have brought me some light :)

Sophiagurl said...

Hi Zunnur,

I hope you are having a pleasant relaxing weekend. I couldn't agree more with your post.

I too experience this at work. Sometimes our body just shuts down and we couldn't do anything about it. I guess it's telling us to slow down and rest...and you deserve it =)

Play time with my daughters, that's something that keeps me going the whole week too. I'm glad you liked my post...it has given me strength too in the past days as work life has been pretty hectic.

God bless! and Have a great weekend!

zunnur said...

Sophiagurl,

Sometimes our mind gets tired too, especially when dealing with too many hick ups caused by the inefficiency of the management and bad attitude of workers. A tired mind will affect our physical performance.

Its surprising to see some people here work more than 12 hours a day and 7 days a week just to make extra money. I wonder if they spend some time playing with their children.

Have a great weekend too!

Zhu said...

I go through a bit of "sluggish mode" every once in a while at work too. I think we all do... unless if you're a total workaholic.

Sometimes, it's call for a change, sometimes, just a change in the routine it's enough.

zunnur said...

Zhu,

Its good to know that its normal among us and that I'm not a workaholic :)

Yeah, everything needs some changes to keep it fresh and up-to-date.

earthlingorgeous said...

Hi Zunnur,

Sounds like you need to take a break, sounds like you are getting close to burn-out. Relax a bit my friend and take care.

Have a good week ahead.

La delirante said...

I agree with the first comment :) We have to look up but sometimes it is so tough...I must admit I usually feel like that regarding my job for the reasons you have described above. It is tough this working world :( This morning I was thinking that perhaps it would be a good idea to have a relaxed part time job...or staying at home as a stay at home mom...I also think that it is important to take a break when things are too tough that we feel they can't be controlled easily.

Have a nice week! and hopefully things will improve.

zunnur said...

Earthlingorgeous,

Yeah, I guess I need a break but I'm in the middle of a project so they won't release me at this time. Have to survive through this unil I recover :)


La Delirante,

Working for people is like that, you don't have the luxury of doing things your own way although you're capable to improve a lot of things in the company. I always choose to ignore the silly things happening around but at a point, I just can't take them anymore, there is a limit to our patience.

bOjOy said...

zunnur, thanks for visiting my new blog and for suggestion. thanks a lot I appreciate it. and it's a big help!Ü thanks... take care..

Faizal said...

hello there. work like. sometimes we are feeling happy doing work but sometimes we might hate it so much. Even as a university student doing the course I love, at some point, I hate the work I must do.

Understand the law principle, remembering cases and answering final examination. Sometimes I feel good but sometimes it damn worse.

Have a great day buddy and going bank to home, play video games with kids, it is a nice solution and relaxation.

Ellenjin said...

thanks Zunnur for the encouragement..
so far..i've been doing good..i feel no choice but to hold on to be happy :) God bless u.

posh_post said...

hope you are in better circumstances now friend. :-)

Faizal said...

hi zunnur. i'm thinking about what you said regarding the soccer addiction. LOL. yeah, thanks for the advice. but you know sometimes obsession manipulate our mind. thanks again for the advice.

Pinay Jade said...

Hey Zunnur,
it really sounds like a burnt out, you need to go on a vacation. Plan a short trip or a long one in a few months...this will keep your mind off work and annoying favoritsims ( I hate that too, why do we have that.)
Maybe you should go to Palawan with your family...;)

It's good to have somebody to go home though and make you smile on the end of the day.

Anyway, I hope you have a great May1 holiday. Relax and wish you well.

I have a tag for you;) check it out when you have the time- A kids question to you

eagerblogger said...

I hope you're feeling better now. The humdrum of everyday life can get to anyone's nerves. It's time to breakaway from the routine and do something for yourself. Do something unexpected and have fun. :)

zunnur said...

Bojoy,
You're welcome. I'm glad that my suggestions helped you.


Faizal,
You're right, even things we love sometimes turn to nightmare especially when we're given tight deadlines to finish things.
I'm also very glad that you could accept my advice regarding the soccer.


Ellenjin,
You're welcome. Glad to hear that you're okay. Stay strong.


Posh Post,
Yeah, I guess I'm getting a bit better now. Thanks.


Pinay Jade,
Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. I use to go on short vacations quite often, it really helps a lot.
May 1? I had to work on that day and I was really tired :)
Thanks for the tag.


Eagerblogger,
I'm so glad to see you and thanks for the advice. I've been doing things that I enjoy and I think I need to do more.

yvelle said...

hi! thanks again for your nice comments. i love reading your blog! have a wonderful day! :)

Sweet Girl said...

it happens with me all the time, sometimes i just don't feel like doing anything, even things which i like doing. I just don't feel good.

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