A yearn to return

As he opened the door, the room was in total darkness. He switched on the lights and stepped in. The interior was clean. The room wasn't getting enough visitors like before. He used to frequent to this place but now he could hardly find time to visit it.

As he walked to the middle of the room and sat on the floor, suddenly, he felt an emptiness deep inside him. He closed his eyes and emptied his feelings. He realized that he wasn't the person he used to be. It was clear that something was missing inside him. Regret started to build as he slowly fell into a deep thought.

As he looked into his soul, he saw the light was burning dim. The winds that blows from every direction caused the light to flicker. He watched helplessly hoping that the light would not extinguish.

As he let his mind roam to the past, he realized that the huge waves of busyness that hit him constantly had caused a drift in his life. Although he learned many things and gained much experiences and confidence, he had also lost some valuables of life. It was a painful sacrifice he had made. Sorrow filled himself. He hoped for a little tears to wash away the sadness but his eyes refused to cry.

As he looked back, he noticed that he wasn't in the right path. Without realizing, he had left the mountain that he was climbing. He had left the path that he chose before and had been lingering in uncertainties. He had been walking in cloudiness.

He quickly got up and ran towards the mountain but he realized that it was impossible for him to climb up as he had lost his climbing tools.

He searched for the tools but it was too dark that he could hardly see anything. He searched for the people who had helped him before but there wasn't anyone anymore. He was standing in front of the mountain all alone with frustration getting stronger.

Without thinking any further, he rushed and hastily started to climb up the mountain with bare hands. With much effort, he slowly moved himself up but he quickly realized that he had lost the strength he had before. He would not be able to do it. He slipped and fell down hard on the ground.

As he lied flat on the ground helplessly, he heard a cry in his right ear and a laughter in his left ear. He closed his eyes tight and put his mind to rest.

His body became weaker and weaker when suddenly, the darkness of the place started to disappear and lights began to brighten up the place. He slowly opened his eyes and noticed that the sun was rising. It was a beautiful morning. The air was so fresh. Birds started to sing sending peace to his mind.

He realized that there was still a new day to welcome. There was still time left for him to build his strength and find his climbing tools. He realized that he need patience to climb up the mountain again and it would not happen easily.

He got up and wearily walked away with a vague hope.

Determination worn out

It was time to go back. I quickly walked out of my work place. I wanted to get out of the place as fast I could. Although there was much work left behind, I was not going to stay back any longer. I wasn't going to worry about it today, let it wait for me until tomorrow.

I got into my car and quickly started the engine. The smell of fuel was quite strong that I had to wind down the windows. I was working in the fuel tank that my clothes were stinking of fuel. There were slight irritations in my nose and throat caused by the fuel vapour. As I drove away, my mood started to improve. I wanted to get home fast, lie down on the sofa and play video games with my kids.

I had been quite unenthusiastic at work lately. The energy that used to drive me seemed to have disappeared. I was feeling lazy, tired and lethargic. I wasn't slowing down my job nor chasing the time to accomplish more, I just let myself flow easily in harmony with time.

I wasn't sure if I had lost interest in my work but I had gone through this kind of feeling many times before. It happened at least once or twice in a year. It would set me of thinking about switching to a new carrier but before anything could happen, the feeling would disappear and I would be back in vigour.

I'm not so sure about the reason that gets me into this sluggish mode, but apparently it is caused by a couple of reasons which pertain to the bad situation at work, such as the silly way this place is managed, lack of support equipments to perform a task, lack of coordination and team work between various trades, and work safety which is only preached but not practised.

Other examples are poor support from the management, practise of favouritism and lack of appreciation and incentives. Not to mention the unpleasant way some people behave and the level of discipline among the workers, especially the younger generation which is rotting down so badly.

Doing the same thing over and over while dealing with the situation mentioned above repetitively might have created the parasite that sucked out my spirit and enthusiasm.

As a human being, I'm not able to stay up and motivated all the time. Sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm down and there is nothing anyone or anything can do to bring back my vitality. It sounds very negative, but I prefer being harmony with my emotions and chose not to repress my feelings.

Sometimes I wonder if my colleagues have this kind of feeling hidden behind their smiles and laughter, or am I the only one who get infected with this cycle of weariness. I guess a person won't have it if his job is something that he enjoys or if he doesn't care about what happens at work as long as he gets a decent salary at the end of the month.

As I reached home, my kids were waiting for me at the door. It was time for a little play.

"A man would die, though he were neither valiant nor
miserable, only upon a weariness to do the same thing
so oft over and over." - Bacon

Trapped in between

As the leader of this place who was very much concerned about the safety of the residents, I told the police force to be very diligent in enforcing the law. I told them to carry out regular patrol in residential area and also to ensure safety on the road. All traffic offenders were to be strictly punished regardless of their positions.

One day, I had to send my minister to attend an urgent meeting in another place quite far away from here. The meeting was very important for the future growth of this place. I knew that it was impossible for him to reach the meeting place on time if he had to obey the traffic rules so I told him to ignore it and hurry. I told him that he had to be punctual, otherwise this little place would loose a great opportunity to generate revenues from some new investors.

Obeying my instruction, the minister reached the place on time although on his way, he was caught for speeding, issued with summons and got his driving licence suspended. He tried to explain to the officer who stopped him about his situation but the officer refused to hear it. Upon returning, the minister sought for my help but I told him that there was nothing much I could do. I could not tell the police that it was my instruction as it would impair my reputation. I knew that I had created frustrations in him but what I was interested was to get things done fast.


That was just a story to reflect the situation I'm going to write below.


As a certifying personnel, part of my responsibilities are to ensure that all my work is done in accordance to the correct procedures, safety standards and complies to the rules and regulations of the company and the relevant authorities. The Quality Assurance Department is to ensure that all certifying personnel observe their responsibilities when carrying out their duties while the management ensures that all projects are completed on time so that the company would profit.

About two weeks ago, I was instructed by the management to start work on a project which was put on hold due to insufficient slot. I was told not to raise any paperwork for the time being as the work I was going to do was unofficial. The idea was to put the project ahead of time before it is officially started. Although I knew that I would be going against the regulations by not recording and certifying tasks I was going to perform, as an employee I obeyed the instruction from my bosses.

After two weeks getting involved in the project, yesterday, I was called up by a Quality Assurance Inspector who was doing an audit. I was told that I had failed to follow the proper procedures in dealing with my current tasks, which is true anyway. I was told that I had gone against the regulations because none of the tasks I performed was documented. Although I tried to explain that it was an instruction from the management, I was told that the responsibility is still on me to ensure that work is performed according to the procedures (which is true) and I have the right to refuse instructions which go against the regulations (also true, but I would become a bad guy who disobey instructions).

I was quite frustrated. It is very difficult to refuse instructions from the bosses as I'm just an employee. The management doesn't care much about safety and regulations as what they are interested is to make sure that all dead lines are met. At the same time, there are regulations that I have to follow which ensure quality and safety of all jobs performed.

I was trapped in between, and just like a few had experienced before, it seems like I'm going to be left alone to the Quality Department with no helping hands from the management. The report will be out in a couple of days. I hope that they will not suspend my certifying licence as that will affect my salary.

Anyway, I think I had learnt an important lesson.